Dear Lisi: My boyfriend wants to do something for his birthday that I have no interest in doing. But it’s his birthday and I want to spend the time with him.
He wants to take a gondola up a mountain, go for a three-hour hike, and then zipline across a canyon, and hike down. It’s a full day experience which I know he’ll absolutely love. But it’s just not my thing. And there’s no way he’s going to change my mind.
And here’s the catch: the only person who has shown interest in going with him on that day (because he really wants to do it on his birthday, which is a Wednesday this year) is a woman who I’m convinced wants a piece of him. They’re already friends and spend a lot of time together because she’s married to one of his old schoolmates.
What do I do?
Afraid of Heights
You have to trust your boyfriend. If you don’t, your relationship isn’t going to last on any level. Do you think he has an interest in this woman? Have you talked to him about it before? If he has already assured you that he has no interest in this woman, that he would never do that to his friend, etc., etc. then you need to trust him.
But if you’re inner voice is screaming, then you need to follow your gut. I believe we need to be true to ourselves by following our instincts.
Is there a way of joining him on any part of this trek? Could you just go for the gondola ride, or meet him on the other side of the canyon and hike down with him? Making your presence felt may sway this woman to back down, or you may see that your concerns are for naught.
Dear Lisi: This year I struck up a friendship with a neighbour in my condo building. Like me, she’s an active senior. She’s smart and has a good sense of humour. Unfortunately, she talks incessantly. No matter what the topic or who’s talking, she constantly butts in. My husband and friends have remarked on this, and many avoid her.
She’s also restless and hyperactive, and often blurts things out without thinking.
This makes me wonder if she’s showing symptoms of ADHD. She seems completely clueless about all this, and it’s getting harder to spend time with her. She often says that she’d like us to get together more often, so I don’t know what to do.
I’ve considered speaking about this with her. However, she might not be receptive to my approach. She lives alone and may be lonely, and I don’t want to hurt her.
What would you do?
Non-stop neighbour
You are kind to recognize that she may be lonely, and also sensitive to her feelings. What are your options? Say nothing and become more and more frustrated and annoyed, to the point that you, too, stop spending time with her. Say something and perhaps inadvertently hurt her feelings that she then stops speaking to you. Or, say something to her in the kindest way possible and let it marinate.
Then rekindle the friendship and hope that she has taken what you said into consideration. I’d go for it.
FEEDBACK Regarding the pizza order (Sept. 11):
Reader #1 – “The couple who referred to the ‘waitress’… isn’t that a put down of the person’s worth? Today most enlightened customers would refer to the person they’re complaining about as a SERVER. I’m sure someone employed as a server in a pizza parlour is probably being paid minimum wage. That doesn’t excuse the server’s indifference to the customers’ request, but maybe the attitude directed toward the server from the customer was impolite.”
Reader #2 – “More than ever, especially post COVID ‘you get what you pay for’ in terms of employees.
“During COVID, MANY people improved their skills by taking classes. When employers came looking, those NEW skills were recognised by higher paying jobs. Therefore, for the lower paying positions the ‘quality’ of available employees dropped significantly. Employers couldn’t pay the higher salaries for the people they really wanted to hire. Effectively, they got the best that was available for the salary they were willing, and able, to pay.
“Unfortunately, these employees also knew they could ‘get away with more’ than they were able to previously.
“I totally agree with Flabbergasted’s experience and evaluation. But he needs to adjust his expectations to the new reality. The service world pre-COVID is NOT the service world post-COVID.”
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send your questions to [email protected].
