Dear Lisi: I know my husband is cheating on me. I know it in my gut. But I can’t prove it.
Suspicious Wife
According to an international website, 20 per cent of all marriages show some sign of infidelity. That’s one out of every five marriages! And, if you’re between the ages of 30 to 60, men are the ones more likely to be unfaithful. So, it’s highly likely that your gut instinct is correct.
Have you followed his whereabouts by tracking his phone? Many people forget they share their location with their significant others. If that doesn’t work, another reader recently suggested hiding an Air Tag which could also track him.
Have you checked his credit card statements? Gone through his pockets? Smelled his clothing when he comes home?
I’m not necessarily condoning any of this behaviour, just suggesting different ways to help you either refute or solidify your instinct.
Dear Lisi: I saw something recently on TikTok that I can’t believe is out there for the world to see. A woman was boasting about having sex with over 100 men in one day (I believe she said 14 hours). She was explaining how safe and secure the situation was, with security guards, identification checks, money changing hands, etc.
I am rarely on TikTok and don’t even have my own account. I only click on things other people send me but then sometimes end up scrolling.
This is not the type of thing my friends usually send, so…. how does something like this end up in my algorithm? And if it can come to me, then it can show up on my nine-year-old daughter’s feed, or my 13-year-old son’s!
What is the world coming to?
Social shock
I don’t understand how certain posts show up on my feed either, but that is shocking. There are ways to safeguard your children online, but you’d have to ask an expert for their tips.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the 12-year-old forced to work (Sept. 17):
“This brought back memories of my childhood… I was an only child; my father had his own business, and my mother was a stay-at-home mom. When I turned 12, she decided I needed to work. She found me babysitting jobs after school and for two small children each summer. I had to make them lunch and take them wherever I went. I couldn’t bring them to our home. I had to give a percentage of my pay cheque to my parents.
“When l turned 16, l had to apply for an office job and pay more rent. I had a boyfriend from 14 to 19 who l married at 19 to escape my mother’s wrath. So, l didn’t have a lot of fun as a youth, which is probably why I chose to be childless. I was also encouraged to get married when l turned 19 and not go to college which l wanted, to study interior design and modelling.
“I remember when the Beatles came to town and my boyfriend’s parents’ friends had CEO jobs at the airport, so they were invited to greet the Beatles when they arrived. They invited me to come along. My mother refused to let me attend and found me a babysitting job.
“Four months after getting married, l was in a head-on collision and the right side of my face was crushed. My husband couldn’t handle my half face, and we divorced. I’ve had 28 surgeries to put me back together, and I look normal in my senior years.
“I certainly hope parents teach their children how to make good choices and to be responsible about money, but at the same time please let them be children and enjoy that time.” — Senior with unhappy childhood memories
FEEDBACK Regarding the unfashionable wife (Sept. 24):
Reader – “Wow! Sweats, frizzy grey hair, no makeup… her husband really must grow up, stop whining and accept that real life middle age has arrived!
“This woman sounds like a wonderful human being who is comfortable in her own skin and knows what’s important in life … because he certainly doesn’t! Is he the same?
“No signs of a receding hairline, nose enlarging, protruding nose hairs, etc.?
“Quite frankly, I’ve never understood the fascination with makeup. We’re all lovely when made up, but is that what we really look like? Isn’t it a form of cheating?
“I can see a light touch of cosmetics, but I always thought it had to be shocking for men when women took off that false layer, and what suddenly appeared was so different.”
Lisi – You’re being harsh. He loves her and recognizes that her lack of self-care represents a deeper issue. He’s showing concern.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist based in Toronto. Send questions to [email protected].
