Chelsea Clinton, daughter of a former U.S. president and the current secretary of state, is getting married today to Marc Mezvinsky and The Daily News in New York is guessing the nuptials will cost around $3 million.
Every father's sphincter is now contracting. The wedding stakes are getting higher and more expensive by the nanosecond.
Now, a bunch of that cost is for security, since the guests will include statesmen and Hollywood stars and other poohbahs, and there's little chance that when your daughter gets married you'll be inviting the PM or Bryan Adams.
But $3 million! Flowers are estimated to cost $500,000 and the cake $10,000. For $500,000, I'd want Butchart Gardens and then get to keep it. For $10,000, I'd want a cake the size of Saltspring. And gold-flake icing.
OK, so Chelsea's parents are well-heeled and they only have the one daughter, but this is just showing off. This is a royal wedding, American-style, all pomp and posture, swanky status seeking. At a time when America is hurting. For $3 million they could buy a huge chunk of real estate in Arizona. Such as Phoenix.
Everything is relative. Most of us don't have that kind of money to kick around for a half-day event. But I checked. Weddings these days don't come cheap. The average Canadian wedding now costs somewhere between $20,000 and $30,000.
According to the website canadianwedding.com, it will cost more in major cities, because of higher hall rentals and food costs. It suggests you make a list of "things that have to be" and "things I can compromise on." To which every father ripostes, how about compromising on everything and simply eloping?
OK, I know. Most important day of your life and all that (though I should point out, helpfully, that living together out of wedlock has become a viable option these days, de rigueur even).
I asked a couple of recent newlyweds how much they spent on their weddings. Both said around $60,000.
I gulped. That's ludicrous, I said.
"I blame my parents," said one. "I had to invite every aunt and uncle, every friend, every acquaintance of my parents, and I still had to say no to a bunch of friends who will never forgive me."
Weddingbells Magazine (who knew these publications existed?) puts the average cost of a Canadian wedding at just above $20,000 and said couples aren't willing to compromise.
Their reader survey of 1,200 brides-to-be had this budget breakdown: Reception venue $6,922; bridal gown $1,093; bridesmaid dress $263; wedding bands $1,761; photographer $1,727; videographer $754; stationery $302; cake $324; florist $821; limos, etc. $533; DJ/musicians $824; favours, gifts $343; honeymoon $3,448.
Here's a very important stat: Nearly half the couples foot the bill from their own savings, 32 per cent rely on family contributions and 14 per cent take out loans.
That's a long way from the days when the bride's father had to pay for everything. No wonder he often sobbed through the ceremony and for most of the following six months. It had nothing to do with losing his little girl. Just about losing his retirement.
According to the Association for Wedding Professionals in the U.S. (now, there's an organization with a long future) there are ways you can trim the costs of a wedding. Avoid the high season. Don't get married on a Saturday, when reception halls charge the highest fees. Divvy up decorating costs for the wedding location with a bride getting married just before or after you. Forget the cake. Use more greens, fewer blooms on your flowers. Use lower-end satin on your dress. Keep the favours creative, special and affordable (such as oyster shells with small soaps); e-mail invitations.
Since I started writing this column, I noticed that the cost of the Clinton wedding is now estimated at $5 million. And when I checked back on reports at the beginning of the week, it was at $2 million.
So either we're in the midst of hyperventilating media hyperbole or the costs are escalating exponentially.
Let's hope Chelsea gets married only once. Two out of five couples getting married today in North America will get divorced. Bet the second marriage, if there is one, will be a whole lot cheaper.
Ian Haysom is news director of Global News in Vancouver. He divides his week between Central Saanich and Vancouver.
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